The Elasticity of Time – CoronaLife Day 124

It’s funny how time isn’t constant (even though it is). We’ve all experienced it. Time flies when you are having fun. The clock hands don’t seem to move when in a boring class or meeting. Our perception of time is elastic, with hours flashing by like minutes or minutes crawling by like hours.

I had mentioned that the last two weeks of March seemed to be several years long. Those first weeks of lockdown were endless. Then April, May, and June slid by in a blink. For me, July has slowed to a slug’s pace again. Granted, we are already halfway through July, but each day feels like a week, yet at the end of every long day I feel as if I have accomplished nothing.

When time is slow like this, I feel very heavy. It’s as if I am carrying emotional and physical weights. The state of the world seems darker, I feel helpless to do anything to combat it, and my stress level threatens to overwhelm me. I have difficulty falling asleep, I have no creative drive, and I feel the tears pressing on my eyes all the time. It’s like the collective anger and fear and hate swirling in our country presses in on me all at once, making it hard to breath. All I really want to do is hibernate and wake up when this is all over.

I’m not sure why July screeched to a halt for me. I have not yet parsed if my mood creates the time slowdown, or the slowdown causes my mood. Perhaps it is the looming specter of school in the fall on my mind. With all the unknowns about putting children together in groups again, it is eating at me. I’m also feeling the guilt of not getting any writing done, when I really have no excuse. I feel lazy and stupid and like a complete failure.

I don’t know what will snap the elastic back to the rapid time flow again. I have a feeling that if I could shake off the malaise, it would do the trick. But since I don’t know what triggered it in the first place, it’s hard to see a road leading out. There always is a road out, though, so I guess I will just have to ride along until I find it.

In the meantime, I hope you all are faring better than I am. Stay smart, stay safe, and see you later!

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