The year 2020 has been a weird, difficult year, so I guess my having a milestone birthday during it is rather appropriate. As this interminable year drags to a close, I have closed out the first half-century of my life.
It’s kind of a weird feeling, reaching fifty, because I really don’t feel fifty. I mean, I am fifty so I guess this is what fifty feels like, but it’s not really what I pictured. Fifty was OLD. Now it’s not old. It just middlin’.
There came a time, at least for me, where age became just a number. I never was much of a birthday celebrator once childhood passed, and frankly, I would be just as happy to let it pass unheralded. But my daughter is, for some reason, excessively excited about celebrating my birthday, so we are having some cupcakes and presents and a special meal (that I am not making). She even allowed me the honor of opening the Advent calendar today, and putting together the Lego piece inside it (our calendar is Lego Harry Potter).
Every birthday is a time for reflection, and fifty is even more so. With the year we have behind us, I am grateful to still be here, and that all my loved ones are healthy and safe. I am not where I thought I would be when I turned fifty, and there is some regret in that, but I have a good life. While some career goals have not been reached, there is still time, and the more important life goals like a husband and child I love and am proud of have been achieved.
It’s a long time, fifty times around the sun, and I have seen many things in those 5 decades. This year has broken my heart in a thousand ways, but I have also seen the tremendous goodness and kindness people are capable of, and the things people can achieve when they work together in good faith. I have lived long enough to know that hard times pass, if we hang on long enough. The inevitability of change is, rather ironically, the only thing in life that never changes.
Be safe, be smart, so you all will be here for my next trip around the sun.
Warm & Fuzzy – CoronaLife Day 278
Christmas is my favorite time of year. Even this year, which has been missing some of the traditions of the season, still gives me a glow. I stop and look at our beautiful tree every now and then. We mixed white lights and colored lights and this year I think we got the mix perfect.
It’s also snowing, and I don’t know about you, but my brain kicks into “snow day” mode when that happens. I don’t feel much like working or doing anything except watching the snow fall until I inadvertently take a nap.
I’m really looking forward to Christmas break this year. Normally this break is a time of year to spend more time with family, but since we are all home 24/7 since March, that part of it will not change. However, taking a break from remote schooling will be nice, and sleeping in is good any time of year.
Will I get any writing done over the break? I’d love to say yes, but past history of the rest of this year says no. It’s been a difficult year, writing-wise for me, and I see no reason why Christmas break will change that. But perhaps I will have a Christmas miracle and get some words on the page.
Right now, I am in a warm, fuzzy, snowy, Christmas-y mood, and that means no real productivity at the moment. For me, that’s part of this time of year—an ability, perhaps even a permission, to remove yourself from the regular hustle and bustle of life. As a kid, I used to take a book and sit next to the tree and read by the colored lights. My daughter likes to lay behind/under the tree and just stare up through the branches. Placing yourself in a different world is part of the magic of the season.
And maybe, after the year we’ve slogged through, that’s what we need. A moment to be outside this world and all its cares and woes. We can’t escape it long, not as adults, but if we can grab enough of those moments of peace, maybe we can emerge from this Christmas season refreshed, ready to face 2021 with whatever it brings.
No matter what holiday you celebrate, I want to wish everyone peace and joy. We certainly all deserve it, after the year we have had.