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Achilles’ Heel: A Physical Weakness Beyond Our Control

March 27, 2014 By Kerry Gans 2 Comments

We all know the story of Achilles, the Greek hero of the Trojan War. His mother dipped him in the river Styx to make him immortal, but where she held him (his heel) was left vulnerable. He was later killed when Paris shot him in the heel with an arrow. Had Achilles been intelligent enough to wear a boot or some sort of protective gear over his heel, the legends might have been quite different!

Everyone has an Achilles’ Heel, some physical weakness they cannot control. Some people faint at the sight of blood. Some fall to pieces at the slightest pain. Some have panic attacks (which have a mental aspect but can be triggered by purely physical stimuli).

Me, it’s my stomach. Overall, I have a strong stomach. I never got stomach bugs as a kid. Threw up twice my entire life, and both were because of food poisoning. So when my stomach does act up, I shatter. I can’t concentrate and everything becomes a huge effort. I can handle pain or limited mobility (although gore makes me queasy) but when my stomach goes crazy, I just want to curl up and cry.

And my stomach goes haywire for no reason. What I assume is acid reflux blindsides me from time to time. No change in diet or exercise, just severe reflux of unknown origin. At those times, I feel like I can’t even force water down, the upward pressure is so bad. And the nausea and burning in the throat make me cry. When this idiopathic acid reflux strikes, it can take me weeks to get back to normal.

Which of course makes me think that my characters all should have an Achilles’ Heel. A food allergy. A fear of needles. Vertigo. The Achilles’ Heel should be picked with care—something that seems harmless at first, but eventually plays a major role in beating the overwhelming final obstacles.

When thinking of weaknesses in characters, I tend to think of mental or emotional wounds. But I can increase conflict by adding a physical weakness out of my character’s control—a betrayal of his own body.

What are some more Achilles’ Heels that would be fun to use in a story?

The Internet—Sanity-saver and Crazy-maker

March 20, 2014 By Kerry Gans 4 Comments

We live in a hyper-connected world. This is not a secret. I am a part of this world. This is also not a secret. So when my Internet started crashing every 2-3 minutes, this was a problem.

I work from home, fitting my writing in around my daughter. I am online a great deal for many different business-related reasons. So when my Internet would crash about every 2 mouse-clicks, you can imagine my frustration. Especially since this went on for days. I worked around it as best I could and waited for the repair man to come (which he did a few days ago).

I wasn’t surprised at how hair-pulling-ly upset I was to lose the Internet for work reasons—but what did shock me was how much I missed it for the non-work reasons. How many times I tried to check email. How many times I idly clicked over to Facebook. How many times it pulled me from my work EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS BROKEN.

This got me thinking that maybe I am a little too addicted to the web. Goodness knows that as a stay-at-home-mom these social networks are vital to my staying sane. Being able to converse with an adult and stay in touch with what’s going on outside of preschool? Priceless. But I may have gotten to the point where I need to be a little stricter with my time online.

I have developed the bad habit of clicking over to Facebook every time my minimized tab shows a new interaction. This is one reason I cannot have Twitter open in a minimized tab—the pressure to check those frenetically-paced postings is too much. I have also gotten into the habit of checking my four email accounts when I am “bored”—which coincidentally happens when faced with things I don’t want to do.

While I’ve never missed a deadline, I can tell I’m wasting a lot of time. I could get things done faster. Spend more time with my daughter. Have more leisure time for other things. Maybe even sleep more!

So I’m going to try to cut back on how often I check the Internet. We’ll see how it goes!

How do you control your urge to cyber-splurge?

When Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

March 13, 2014 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

I know very well that writing a story based on real events can be tricky. I also know that things have to make sense in fiction in a way they rarely do in real life. I wrote an entire blog post on why events have to make sense in a story.

But I fell into the trap anyway.

I wrote a short story based in my experience of being robbed at gunpoint. At one point, the gunman said something, and my critique partner said, “He can’t say that.”

“But that’s what he really said!” I blurted, knowing full well I shouldn’t.

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t use it. In the story, it makes no sense.”

Grrr.

However, she was right, and that will be revised.

My critique partner also said something else that made me stop and think. She pointed out that my intention in writing the story will determine how much of the absurdity of real life I can get away with keeping.

If I write and sell this as a “true crime” story, much of what seems weird (but actually happened) would likely be accepted by the reader–because they know it really did happen that way. But if, as I intend, I am trying to evoke a feeling, immerse the reader in the moment, then I need to clear away the irrational, the coincidental, the odd. I need to make sense out of the chaos and guide them to the feeling I wish to convey.

I need to think about that in the rewrite. Why I’m writing this. What I want from it. What I want my readers to get from it. And then I have to remove anything in the story that will detract from that goal, confuse the reader, or break the spell of the story.

So when you write about something that actually happened, and a critique partner tells you it makes no sense, bite your tongue and nod. Because there are very few times when the random senselessness of life translates well to the page. Just go with it. It’s fun, really.

After all, you get to make sense out of life, and how many people do that every day?

Have you ever had a story based on true events where you could keep a lot of the “reality” and still have it work?

A Creative Spring Blooms

March 6, 2014 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

This has been a rough winter in my area—lots of snowstorms and unusually deep cold spells. So it’s not surprising that I have spring on my mind!

Spring is a time of renewal, and renewal is on my mind right now, too. I seem to be having something of a personal Renaissance. My Muse is coming out to play.

I’ve been lost in a creative desert for more than 4 years—ever since my daughter was born. When I say this, people look at me in surprise, because I have been turning out a lot of work during the past 4 years. Lots of words. But not much has been in creative fiction. Most has been blogging, working on a family non-fiction genealogy book, and revising of fiction works whose early drafts pre-dated my child. So a lot of words, but not a lot of new creative ideas.

Not only weren’t new ideas coming, I didn’t even FEEL creative. Nothing stirred in my brain or soul. I worried that I would never again feel the elation of a new idea, the exhilaration of writing in a flow state, the thrill of hearing a character talk to me. But then things started to change.

First, at the 2013 Philadelphia Writer’s Conference, I felt stirrings of creativity. Then, a short-lived but bright fire burst forth in August. But these spurts didn’t last, and I ended up feeling depressed all over again, as if they had been nothing more than mirages in my creative desert.

But over the past few cold, snowy, wintry weeks, I have experienced hints of a creative spring. For the first time in years, a character is speaking to me. For the first time in years, I reached a flow state while writing fiction. And for the first time in years, I woke up with a new novel idea in my head—half-formed, incomplete, but intriguing.

Unlike my earlier mirages, I think this Renaissance might stick. I’m not sure what has changed to revive my Muse. Perhaps because I am sleeping more regularly and reliably (although still not enough). Perhaps because I am getting a little more exercise. Perhaps because my child is in preschool for a few hours a day (barring snow days!) and I have more time to devote to writing. Perhaps it simply took 4 years to recover from the utter exhaustion that comes with a newborn.

Whatever the reason, this resurgence feels new. Different from the other stirrings. It’s almost too good to believe.

But I will believe, and hold on tight.

Because as a writer, it is in my nature to believe in miracles.

Have you ever experienced a personal Renaissance?

Inspiration for the Muse…and for the Journey

February 27, 2014 By Kerry Gans 2 Comments

At the Writer’s Coffeehouse last month, we discussed inspiration—where we find it and how we hang on to it. What I found is that there are two different types of inspiration: the Muse kind and the long-term kind.

We are used to thinking of inspiration as “how do I get my Muse to talk to me?” or how to get into your flow state as a writer. We all do need something to move us from the mundane brain to the creative brain, so we all have our inspirations, whether it be a saying or a magic pencil or a Lego figure.

But writers who are in this for the long haul also need inspiration to keep us going through the rough patches. Like when the words aren’t flowing, but the rejections are. Or when the day job takes over your life and squeezes your writing time to nil. Or when your family demands more of your time than usual. Or when health concerns crop up. Or even when things are going well but you have more things to juggle than you can fit in a 24-hour period.

What inspires you for the long haul? Is it still your quote or magic pencil or Lego figure? Do you trade up to a unicorn or a favorite book or a person who inspires you? Or do you have some other way of getting through the rough times?

I’ll be honest—when I looked for things that inspired my Muse, I was a little stumped. Which may explain why (in spite of turning out a lot of work) I have felt lost in a creative desert for the past 4 years. I did eventually remember a bookmark that I still have (and of course cannot find at the moment) from childhood. A unicorn glitters on the front, and it says, “Some things have to be believed to be seen.” Which I believed as a child, and still believe today.

As for my long-term inspirations…well, I found three. The first are the Coffeehouses and workshops and conferences I attend. They always fire me up and get the juices flowing. But they are like booster shots—temporary pick-me-ups that don’t last very long.

The second is something Lois Duncan once said. I have a preschooler at home, and she has sucked energy and time from me (as small children will). Sometimes I despair of ever getting any writing done. Then I remember that Lois Duncan wrote most of her most popular books while raising FIVE small children. She talked once about typing a manuscript (on a typewriter) with a baby in her lap. So I figure if she could do it with five, I can find a way to manage with one!

The third inspiration is not so much inspiration as sheer stubbornness. When things get rough, I simply put my head down and plow ahead. I try to learn more craft along the way, so I am at least plowing in the right direction. Some call it tenacity or endurance, but I think I’m just too pig-headed to quit. I’ve come so far, I refuse to simply walk away. I also think my life-long anxiety disorder has shaped this method of coping. There are so many things in my daily life that spark my anxiety, I long ago found that the only way through was to grit my teeth and just plunge ahead. So I do. Every day. For all sorts of things. It is no surprise, then, that when faced with obstacles in my writing life, I do the same thing.

So those are some of the things that I find inspiring. How about you? What drives you when things get tough?

Finding Time but Losing Depth

February 20, 2014 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

As a stay-at-home mom, my schedule revolves around my 4-year-old daughter. This often means that my writing time is fragmented. I grab 15 minutes here, a half hour there. I have read tons of blog posts about how to squeeze the most writing time out of your day.

I never used to think I could write this way, but you do what you need to do when faced with reality. So I wring words out of my day, and usually manage to get a decent amount of writing done each day. I’m happy and left with a sense of accomplishment (no matter how small) when I see that at least one of my projects has progressed.

But. (You knew there was a “but,” didn’t you?)

I worry that I am sacrificing depth in this scattered writing style.

Pre-child, I could spend several hours at a time writing. I could “go deep,” getting lost in the world and the character. I would often finish a writing tear and look up, blinking, wondering where I was, what time it was—much like the feeling when you leave a movie theater.

I can’t do that anymore, and I think my writing has suffered. I find it hard to lose myself in my world or character in short spurts of time. No sooner do I feel comfortable than it’s time to leave. And since much of my snatched writing time also involves having my child around, my mommy ear is always listening for cries or yells that might indicate she needs help—or that ominous silence that means I really need to go see what she’s up to. So my full attention is not on my writing.

My biggest struggle at the moment is character. Readers do not connect to my characters. I used to do character well. I suspect that my “stolen time” model of writing is keeping me from plumbing the depth I used to in my characters, keeping me from finding their voices. If I can’t get lost in my characters, how can I expect my readers to?

I have also found that—for me—it is very hard to find that voice in revision when it is not present in the first draft. Character deepening in revision (and I like revising!) has never come out right. Perhaps I’m too caught up in the existing words on the page to want to change them enough to bring the character’s voice to the front. I don’t know.

All I know is I have three options: 1) find larger chunks of time to write (ha!), 2) learn to go deep faster, or 3) learn to deepen character in revision. I’m not sure which will happen. I’m not sure which will be successful. But something’s got to change for me to solve my character problem.

How about you? Do you find that writing in fragmented time lessens your ability to go deep? If you’ve mastered this technique, please share some tips in the comments!

Whiteout Conditions: I can’t see my characters

February 13, 2014 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

I’ve said before that I am struggling with bringing my characters to life on the page. Every time I think I’ve got it nailed, my beta readers shake their heads–they’re just not connecting with the character. But I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, so it’s frustrating.

My brain knows all the techniques I’m supposed to use to create that character-reader connection, but I just can’t seem to get it onto the page. Even more frustrating is that I used to think that character was what I did best. But I seem to have lost the knack, unable to find it amid the blizzard of other craft details I have to keep in mind.

Whiteout conditions: I can see no way ahead.

In the Little House books (I think), during one winter blizzard the family strung a rope between the house and barn so that they could find their way back and forth without getting lost in the storm. I needed a rope, a guide to help me find my way back to character.

So I went backward.

If it was true that I used to do character better than I do now, then older works might provide me with clues to the way forward. I dug out a short story I had written during my Masters degree, revised it, and gave it to my critique partners.

It worked. The character-reader connection bloomed.

So now I have my guide rope. I can look at that story and see what I did then that I don’t do now. More importantly, I now know I can do it. The answer to my problem is inside of me somewhere.

All I have to do is hang onto the rope until I get through the blizzard.

What about you? Have you ever “lost” a skill you thought you had nailed? How did you get it back?

Sickness and Snowstorms

February 6, 2014 By Kerry Gans 2 Comments

January (and now February) has been one long string of disruption. Illness invaded my house and has not yet left. First Preschooler had a stomach bug, then me, then my husband. And no sooner had we all gotten over that than Preschooler was down with a cold—which I now have.

Add to that incessant snowstorms and Arctic temperatures in our area. Luckily, we have not had a truly paralyzing storm, but it has been enough to force constant school closures or two-hour delayed openings—and a delayed opening means no school for Preschooler.

So between the illnesses and the school closures, my writing time has been scattered and minimal. When I had the stomach bug, my co-bloggers at The Author Chronicles picked up the Thursday post I normally compile. That’s one great benefit of having a group blog—people can pick up the slack if someone has something unexpected happen.

But, even though my time was crazy, I still managed to get everything else I needed finished, too. I’m not quite sure how, but things got done. Which makes me think that the lesson here is that we don’t need as much time to do things as we think we do. Certainly, you do need to have focus and drive in the smaller window of time you have. But maybe we can step away from the rat race a little more than we think we can, and still find success.

Because success isn’t always measured in output. Success can also be found in nursing yourself with a good book and a nap, or snuggling with a feverish 4-year-old to make her feel better, or going out to play in the snow. None of those things can be plotted on a productivity chart, but all are necessary for our success as human beings.

How about you? Are you spending more time and energy being “busy” than you need to? Are you spending enough time on the things that connect you to your emotional life?

CreateSpace vs. Ingram Spark

January 30, 2014 By Kerry Gans 7 Comments

Any of you following along will know I am trying to self-publish a Print-On-Demand (POD) genealogy reference book on my family in particular. I had decided to use Amazon’s CreateSpace because so many people suggested it and it has been around a while. What I found was that because of the length of my book, I could NOT use CreateSpace (more on that below), and so I went over to Lightning Source, another POD company people had suggested. Lightning Source’s POD arm for small or self-publishers is called IngramSpark.

The following comparison of the two resources is necessarily incomplete, as I could not complete the process with CreateSpace and have not yet completed the process with IngramSpark. But it’s what I have found so far.

CreateSpace is very easy to use. However, I found their Submission Guidelines to be missing or misleading in key areas. When reading how to format your book’s interior, it tells you the gutter margin for 3 different pages count ranges, all the way up to 1,000 pages. What they don’t tell you anywhere in the Submission Guidelines (it can be found elsewhere on the website) is that there are maximum page limitations based on trim size and color vs. black and white options. Based on their Page Count table, the maximum number of pages anywhere is 828 (not 1,000) and if you choose to do full color, 480 is your limit. My full-color book, unfortunately, is 508 pages. Due to the nature of the content, there is no way I can cut 30 pages out. Which is why I went to IngramSpark. (I did confirm with CreateSpace customer service that I was correct and I COULD NOT print this book with them.)

IngramSpark is also not difficult to use. However, it will require more money for you to get started. At this point in the process, I have run across several fees:

$49 one-time set-up fee per book (waived if you have a 50 book drop order within a certain amount of time after setting up your book)

$11 annual distribution fee (if you are simply printing for your family and do not want distribution, this fee is waived)

ISBN fee. IngramSpark requires you provide your own ISBN number. You can purchase one for $125, or you can purchase batches of them for less per unit through Bowker. CreateSpace allows you to either use an Amazon ID number (not the same as an ISBN) or to purchase an ISBN through them (I think it was $10) or to provide your own.

So it is more expensive to use IngramSpark. The question you need to ask yourself is: Can I make my book fit CreateSpace’s limitations in a way that will not compromise the book’s quality? In my case, because I have a lot of photos and documents and charts, the answer was “no.”

The actual interior design process is the same–upload a PDF to their website. I will say that IngramSpark’s gutter margins are MUCH smaller than CreateSpace’s, probably due to manufacturing differences, which allows me to have larger photos and charts.

I have not used the cover designer for either system yet, so cannot know how they compare. I also don’t know about the quality of the final product or the tracking and royalty payment facets, since I haven’t finished the book yet.

Having to switch to IngramSpark has set me back, because with the much smaller gutter margins I need to re-size all my photos, graphs, etc. The text, of course, was easy to readjust. Still, I am pleased that I have an outlet to get this book out there in the way I envisioned it, instead of having to present it in a non-optimal way to force it into CreateSpace’s limitations.

I am slowly exploring this self-publishing world, both in ebook and now POD. It’s a fascinating journey! I will bring more info on IngramSpark after I have completed the process and have more to share.

Have you done POD? What has your experience been?

Snow Days

January 23, 2014 By Kerry Gans 4 Comments

I don’t know about you, but whenever it snows, I slip back into that school-kid mentality of a “snow day.” A day off. A day to relax and read and sleep late and do whatever I want. My distracted mind is not helped by the fact that I work from home. So I am home on a snow day, making it feel…like a snow day.

Except that doesn’t work so well now that I’m not a kid anymore.

I work from home. The key word is work. Meaning snow-covered or icy roads are no excuse for not getting to the office. I’m already there. The work is waiting on my laptop, or just an internet connection away. So I still need to hunker down and work, in spite of the holiday that’s happening in my head.

Add to that my preschooler. A snow day really is a snow day for her—no school. So I have an external distraction to trying to get work done. Not to mention she has this insane idea that going out to play in the snow is fun, and that we should do it. (I used to like it, too, as a kid. When did that change?)

Still, the work got done, so no harm done.

As distracting and unproductive as that “snow day” feeling is, I still relish it. There is something peaceful in watching the snow pile up while knowing you are safe and snug inside. There’s something about the white flakes drifting down and the cold wind howling around the house that makes me want to break out the board games. Family time.

So maybe that snow day feeling isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s Nature’s way of telling me to slow down. To take a break and enjoy life a little more. To pay more attention, as I have vowed to do more this year. To be that kid again.

And maybe it’s good I realized that now, because it’s only January. We have a lot of winter left to go, and it looks like it’s going to keep bringing us snow like we haven’t seen in years!

Does snow make you feel like you deserve the day off?

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