Kerry Gans Archives - Page 49 of 57

Sickness as a Stakes-Raiser

January 24, 2013 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

Usually I don’t have too much trouble coming up with blog posts, but this week was hard. Why? Because I’ve been sick all week and my head is as fuzzy as a Muppet (can you tell I have a toddler?). Feverish, sinus pressure, cold-then-hot-then-cold, runny nose, cough. Unpleasant, but not fatal in the course of my normal life. It’s just a cold.

But suppose you felt that way when your life WAS on the line?

A plain old cold can be fatal if it stops you from performing at your best in a life-or-death situation. And I got to thinking that I don’t see illness (other than fatal illnesses like cancer) in books too often. So maybe sometime I will see what happens if my character catches a cold at the wrong time.

You all know how you feel. Weak. Exhausted. Shivery. You can’t breathe properly. You can’t sleep. You can’t hear very well because your ears are plugged. You can’t think because the mucus is clogging your brain. Sometimes your eyes are sensitive to light.

Any one of those things can be a problem if you are facing a villain, but all of them together is formidable. I’ve seen plenty of books where INJURY gives the main character issues, but not illness.

So next time I need to raise the stakes, maybe I’ll just have someone get a cold.

How about you? Can you think of any books where a minor illness at the wrong time played a major role in upping the stakes for the main character?

Where I Write

January 17, 2013 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

A little while ago, my writing buddy J. Thomas Ross wrote a post asking authors where they wrote. I didn’t have much to say on the topic at the time. After all, I wrote almost exclusively in my “writing office”—which is a fancy name for one corner of the sofa with the detritus of a three-year-old’s play spread around me in the family room.

Not so anymore. In fact, I am writing this in my car while I wait for the library to open. It is gray and rainy, the sound of the rain on the roof threatening to put me to sleep. Cars are good writing spaces, for short times. I wouldn’t want to spend hours writing in the car, but the hour while waiting for the library is comfortable enough.

But my main writing venue these days is the library. I get a fantastic amount of work done in the 6 hours a week my daughter is in preschool. I made the decision before she even began that I would go to the library to work while she was at school, rather than go home and work.

Why? Because by not going home, I could avoid the distractions that come with home: the laundry waiting to be done, the bathrooms needing washed, the rugs needing vacuumed, etc. Even though I work from home often (and have for 5 years), I cannot FULLY focus—those niggling things nibble at the edges of my mind, taking up energy as I push them away.

So I gained focus by not going home. I also gained more time. Instead of driving an extra half-hour round trip to get home and back to pick up my daughter, I drive a 6-minute round trip to the library and back to her school. That’s a lot of time saved!

More than that, I simply like the atmosphere of the library for writing. Since I write YA and middle grade, I head for the YA & Children’s section and park myself in the lone desk at the very back of the section. The stacks behind me are full of wonderful children’s books and I can practically feel the inspiration wafting from them. Perhaps I’m also hoping that I will gain proficiency and skill by osmosis!

“My” desk sits in front of a large window, so I can enjoy an outside view while inside. It is also for some reason always chilly there, but I don’t mind—it keeps me awake! My desk is far enough away from the children’s area that when they have group activities like Story Time, the noise of the children doesn’t bother me at all. Indeed, the sounds of children enjoying books is like soothing background music.

I know many writers work in coffeehouses or Wegman’s. I could not do that on a regular basis (although I have done it every once in a while). While I don’t need silence to write, I have sharp hearing, so I get distracted by people’s conversations nearby, or as they walk by, or any sudden change in the ambient noise level. I also have anxiety issues, which means that my brain is constantly on alert for danger and tends to see it even when there is none. So a place full of people is a drain on my energy and thus my creativity, because I am constantly having to tell my brain to stop it and focus on the writing.

So the library is perfect for me—quiet but not silent, people there but not on top of me, and no household chores weighing on my mind. I am eager to get to “my” desk every day, and always amaze myself with how much I accomplish.

What about you? Where do you usually write—and where’s the strangest place you have ever written?

Breakthrough: Touching the Darkness Within

January 10, 2013 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

I had wondered, in a post last year, if perhaps my writing wasn’t as strong as it could be because I wasn’t reaching deep enough inside of myself. I wasn’t accessing the scary parts, the parts that trigger deep emotion. That perhaps I feared touching those raw, scary, dark parts of my psyche.

One of my “stretch” resolutions this year was to reach deeper—deeper into my characters and deeper into myself. And to try not to be afraid to do it. To see if I could touch the darkness within and emerge whole.

I didn’t realize when I made that resolution that I would be facing it so early in the year. I have a short story I’m working on, and I knew it would hit some vulnerable, raw parts of me. But I thought it was a good story, and one that needed telling, so I decided to write it anyway.

On Monday, I started the first draft. I wrote quickly at first, but as I got closer and closer to the heart of the matter, to the tender area, suddenly my internal saboteur popped up.

I NEEDED to check my email. Then Facebook. And I absolutely HAD to figure out how to program Outlook to alert me at a certain time (I failed to do that, by the way). When I next looked at the clock, I only had a couple of minutes left before I had to pack up. I decided to play Solitaire until I “ran out of time.” I knew exactly what was happening, but on Monday (following a long night up with a sick Toddler) I lacked the energy and focus to beat the saboteur down.

I’d danced on the fringe of my resolution, but I hadn’t faced it.

Tuesday I had to wait for the library to open, so I sat in my car and opened my story document. This time, I gritted my teeth and took the plunge. The words poured out—and so did the tears. Sitting in my car crying over my laptop, I was very glad I was not working in a public place like a coffeehouse!

Red-eyed but happy, I entered the library. I had faced the darkness and won!

So, is what I wrote any good? Will it make others feel as I felt? I don’t know yet. I’m going to let it sit until next Monday and revisit it. I know it needs some work. Then I’ll have some readers look at it.

All I know is that it came from someplace deep inside me, and I hope it touches someplace deep inside those who read it.

When was your first breakthrough when you wrote something that truly moved readers emotionally? How did it feel?

The Internal Saboteur

January 3, 2013 By Kerry Gans 7 Comments

We all know about the “internal critic” or “internal editor.” You know, the one who keeps telling us things like, “That comma doesn’t go there.” or “That’s the worst sentence ever written.” or “No one’s going to want to read the trash you’re writing.” And there are many blog posts out there dealing with how to turn him off or shut him down.

But what about your “internal saboteur”?

What? You’ve never heard of that one? Then pay attention, because he might be why you’re not moving forward as fast as you’d like.

The internal saboteur is not loud like the internal editor. Like most saboteurs, he prefers to work quietly and unnoticed. Subtle. Insidious.

The internal saboteur is why you stop working on a manuscript when you’re getting close to the end. He’s why you put off sending out those query letters. He’s why cleaning the bathroom suddenly seems more appealing than doing the final polish on your short story.

In short, he is every reason you procrastinate when you could actually be accomplishing something.

The internal saboteur is fear made manifest—but not fear of failure. He is fear of success.

That’s right, fear of SUCCESS.

Why would you be afraid of success? Because success means change, and change is very hard for a lot of people. Success in writing can mean a huge amount of change in a short amount of time, too, robbing us of the ability to ease into our new world slowly. The internal saboteur doesn’t want to deal with the change.

How to I know about the internal saboteur? I live with him every day. It’s no secret I wrestle with an anxiety disorder. This means everyday things can be incredibly difficult for me—just talking on the phone can break me out in sweat. My fear rises up every time I try to step out of my sheltered routine—to see a movie or go out to eat or see a concert or visit a friend. Simple things. Yet my fear will grab me, try to convince me that I am too ill or too tired to go out and do these things. That I don’t really want to. That it would be harmful to go. I must fight the physical symptoms of this fear and push ahead anyway. Live my life in spite of my internal saboteur.

Since he is so prevalent in my daily life, it comes as no surprise that my internal saboteur is hard at work in my writing life as well. He doesn’t seem to have a problem with me writing, per se (he leaves that to the inner critic). But once I have a piece written, he fights hard to make sure I never do anything productive with it. It becomes too great a chore to finish revising those last few chapters. I’m too tired to research agents to query, and I definitely need to nap instead of researching markets for the short story I wrote. I procrastinate, playing Solitaire over and over, finding other chores to do, or simply escaping into the rabbit-hole of genealogy research.

I know my internal saboteur when I see him. Sometimes it takes a few days, but I know the signs. And when I finally recognize him for what he is, I have to rally myself, kick him to the curb, and get on with the things I need to do to further my career.

One of my goals in 2013 is to recognize him earlier, to loosen his grip on my career. I spend my whole life beating him off with a stick so I can enjoy my life—I refuse to let him steal my writing career from me.

Take a look at what’s holding you back in your writing career. Are the obstacles real—or are they the constructs of your internal saboteur? Is it the OBJECTS that are insurmountable—or the FEAR?

Don’t let fear of success hold you back.

No matter what your internal saboteur says, you deserve success just as much as everyone else. Go and grab it.

2012: A Year in Review

December 27, 2012 By Kerry Gans 1 Comment

I really don’t do the whole New Year’s Resolution thing. I find that “resolutions” tend to be things I wish would happen, but not things I can realistically expect to accomplish. And I think, for me, there’s psychological pressure in the idea that a resolution means I have to accomplish it or I’m a failure.

I don’t like failure.

So I decided last year that I would have goals, not resolutions. Measurable goals, so I could at least see how much headway I made if I didn’t actually reach them. So I sat down and looked at my time, my schedule, and my enthusiasm levels. Because as we all know, if you’re not internally motivated to do something, it’s not going to happen—willpower is not enough to carry something for the long term.

I focused on my writing goals for the year. I had 3 goals:

1) To post on my blog every Thursday without fail.
2) To have at least one novel ready to query agents by the fall.
3) To write at least one short story and send it to several markets.

So how’d I do?

1) I haven’t missed a week blogging. That makes 2 years in a row I’ve maintained the pace!
2) I sent my middle grade fantasy Ozcillation out to agents this fall. Hurricane Sandy kind of got in the way, but I’ll resume the queries after the holidays.
3) I have written 3 short stories and sent one of them to multiple markets. The other two should be ready after the holidays.

So you can see that I’ve accomplished what I set out to do this year—even did a little better in some places. Yay, me! It’s nice to feel like you’ve made positive progress in your life.

Next year’s goals? I haven’t thought them all through, but they currently look like this:

1) Keep up the pace with the blog, and start to use the blog to more effectively connect with my potential readers.
2) Continue to query Ozcillation.
3) Send out at least one more novel by mid-year.
4) Continue to write short stories and send them out.

Those are the writing ones. I really need to add some personal ones like exercise more, eat better, and get more sleep. But I’m wary of them because I rarely have the stamina to maintain those for long periods. Usually after a couple of weeks, I’m back to my old habits. Which doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make them goals. It just means I need to think more about how to turn them into achievable goals, instead of fantasies.

So here’s to reaching our goals in 2013! What goals do you have for the coming year?

Sandy Hook School Shooting: A Wake-Up Call For Our Nation

December 20, 2012 By Kerry Gans 4 Comments

I can’t stop thinking about the Sandy Hook tragedy. It hit me very, very hard. Grief-stricken and dazed. I didn’t know anyone there personally. I had no connection to the town. But the pain and the horror struck me like nothing has since 9/11.

I am left with the overwhelming conviction that something must be done. It should not be this easy to kill children.

It should not be.

One of the things that disturbed me was when they said that the killer’s mother had guns as a “hobby.” Perhaps because I am a writer, I am sensitive to the power of words. And although I have heard about people’s gun “hobbies” before, this time it really struck me how wrong that word is. Woodworking is a hobby. Genealogy is a hobby. Knitting is a hobby. Lethal weapons should not be a “hobby” comparable to those. I have heard people refer to their guns as “toys” and going out to shoot as “playing” with said toys. These words should not be used in conjunction with guns. It sends the wrong message. For those of you who are serious about your gun passion, please deter people from speaking this way. It diminishes what these weapons are meant to do: kill. Killing is serious. It is not a game. It is not a toy. It is not “play.”

Mention gun control, and inevitably a flame war will start. But see, I have friends who are gun owners. They are reasonable, responsible, rational people. They are caring and compassionate people who undoubtedly shed their own tears over this tragedy. It is time for people like my friends, who I am certain would not be against reasonable restrictions to help stop the mentally ill from getting their hands on guns, to speak up, to help find the middle ground that we can all live with.

Mention mental illness, and people shudder or shrug. It’s not their problem, right? Tell that to the families of the 27 dead in Connecticut. And the families of the victims of Virginia Tech and Columbine and Aurora, Colorado. It is everyone’s problem. It is time to start talking about mental illness, to stop stigmatizing it. It is time to revamp the health care system so that people who need help get it before they reach the breaking point. Right now, it is too hard for families to get the help they need for loved ones who are suffering from mental illness. We need to change that. Until we do, we are doing a disservice not just to the victims of those people but to the people themselves who deserve a good life even with a mental illness.

I don’t have the answers. But we as a country need to have the hard conversations. There are other countries with many guns and fairly loose laws, like ours, who do not have these mass killings happening. Canada and Switzerland have both been mentioned to me as such. What are they doing that we are not? Is it cultural? And if it is, then it is time we start addressing our culture, too.

All I know for certain is this:

There are 27 people dead who should be alive.
There are 7 adults who died before their time.
There are 20 children who will never grow up.
There are 27 families who have wounds that will never heal.

We have lost more than we will ever know.
We have lost too much already.
We must change course before we lose everything that’s left.

A New Adventure: A Novelist in Short Story Land

December 13, 2012 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

If you read this blog, you know that I’m a novelist. I think long and I like to use a lot of words. (My husband is nodding his head vigorously.) I never thought short stories would work for me. I had written some while getting my Masters’ degree, but they had been a struggle, so I shied away from them once I got out of school.

Recently, at the behest of Jonathan Maberry, I tried my hand at them again. And I like doing them! There are a lot of “scholarly” reasons I’m enjoying them (see my Tuesday post on The Author Chronicles for details), but I think the main reason I like them is that they are…short.

Don’t get me wrong, writing short is not easy. Short stories are an art form unto themselves, and the lessons you learn as a novel writer don’t always translate. But I have found the instant gratification (getting from first draft to polished in days rather than months—or years) very satisfying.

My writing friend Donna Galanti also said short stories keep her writing fresh. She’s right—it lets us appease that urge to follow the new, shiny idea (don’t look so innocent—you know what I’m talking about) without distracting us from our novel-length project for too long.

So, I’m using some of my newly found writing time to learn the craft of short stories. I have one that is ready to send out, with two more in the final stages of polishing. I’m taking some deep breaths and readying myself to send them out in the world.

The funny thing is, I am not so nervous about them being rejected as I am about the query process itself. It’s different than for novels, so I feel a bit out of my depth. Right now I feel like it’s my first day on the job and I’m nodding my head like I understand when I really have no clue. (Come on, you’ve all done it.)

But as my friend Keith Strunk would say, “fake it until you make it.” Because I know these “first day” jitters will pass with time and experience. Will my stories find homes? I don’t know, but I’m ready to find out.

It’s a new adventure! What new adventures are you embarking on?

Monkee-ing Around

December 6, 2012 By Kerry Gans 6 Comments

If you know me at all, you know I’m a huge Monkees fan. I was devastated when Davy Jones died earlier this year, because I was sure I’d never see another Monkees concert again. However, in a surprise move, Micky Dolenz, Peter Tork, and Michael Nesmith got together and did a short tour this November!

Disclaimer: All the photos in this post are my own and are owned by me.
If you use them for any purpose, please identify them and attribute them to me.
Do not change them in any way or use them commercially.

Mike Nesmith, Micky Dolenz, Peter Tork
Keswick Theatre
Glenside, PA
11/29/2012

Not only were they touring, but they were playing my “hometown” theater, the Keswick…on Nov 29th. Why does the date matter? Because my two best friends and I rocked the Monkees all through high school and college and beyond. And Donna Hanson Woolman’s birthday was Nov 29th. She died almost 10 years ago, and I couldn’t help but feel some sort of karmic convergence in the date.

And to further the cosmic aspect of the Keswick’s date, my other Monkee friend, Donna L., scored 6th row center seats for me. The amazing thing is not that she got the seats, but that she got them 4 HOURS after the tickets had gone on sale. As a veteran of many concerts, I can tell you those prime seats should have been gone in the first 4 MINUTES. While I don’t believe that God cares a hoot where I sat to see the Monkees, I couldn’t help feeling that Donna Hanson Woolman had a heavenly hand in making that happen.

So, I saw them at the Keswick Theater in Glenside, PA, and at the NJ State Theater in New Brunswick, NJ. Both shows rocked! All the favorites, plus all of my favorites that they never used to play. Since Mike never toured with the other three in the USA before, this was the first time I ever heard a lot of his songs live. Since his are some of my favorite tunes, I greatly enjoyed rocking to them.

The guys sounded great, and the music was excellent. These guys can still rock it like no one’s business! Mike on the guitar, Peter on guitar, keyboard, and banjo, and Micky on guitar, drums, tambourine, maracas, bongos, and the big timpani drum for Randy Scouse Git. The crowds jammed hard, too, singing along with every song.

The guys had an easy rapport with each other, talking back and forth in a mix of ad lib and scripted banter. They didn’t mind goofing around a little either, with Peter hamming it up during Auntie Grizelda, and Mike pretending to be a Moog synthesizer during Daily Nightly.

In an interview I read, Peter stated very firmly that this was not meant to be a “Davy is Dead” tour, but that Davy would be very much represented. Sure enough, on the big screen behind the band, video clips from the TV show, their movie HEAD, and even from 33 1/2 Revolutions Per Monkee ran continuously, Davy included. They also had a special tribute video montage of Davy, featuring clips from his pre-Monkees day as well as Monkee highlights. And, of course, no Monkees concert could be complete without Daydream Believer. For this, Micky pulled an audience member up on stage to help him sing, and the audience as a whole carried the refrain, while Davy danced on the big screen. It was a moving and fitting tribute.

Davy
Daydream Believer

I had a great time, hitting back-to-back Monkees concerts and singing myself hoarse! I felt like a teenager again – until Toddler woke me up very early in the morning. Then I remembered I wasn’t 18 anymore!

I’ve been a Monkees fan since grade school, and starting following their tours in 1986, their 20th Reunion Tour. I’ve seen them together and on solo tours many times over the past 26 years. No matter how many times I see them, or in what configuration, I always love their shows. Together or separate, they have never failed to bring the energy, the skillful musicianship, and the showmanship I’ve come to expect.

Even after all these years, I’m A Believer.

Finding Golden Writing Time

November 29, 2012 By Kerry Gans 4 Comments

Most writers squeeze their writing in between jobs and/or family. Writing time is precious and rare. But a funny thing happened when I suddenly gained more writing time: I didn’t know what to do with myself.

My daughter started preschool this month, and that gives me about 6 hours a week extra to write. More importantly, it is CONCENTRATED writing time—no distractions from child, phone, or Internet (I work at the local library while she’s in school).

On her first day of school, I had planned what I would work on for the 2 hours I had that morning. Thing is, I had forgotten how much you can get done when there are no distractions—I finished my project in half an hour. So I moved on to another project. Then another. I actually ended up playing Solitaire for the last 5 minutes because I had run out of things that “needed” to be done!

These weeks of her in school have let me be a great deal more prolific in a shorter amount of time. I’m now able to work on short stories in addition to my novels and weekly blog obligations. And once I get home, I still have Toddler’s nap time (when she takes one) and after she’s in bed to work even more.

At first I felt like I needed to keep cramming in writing tasks in the nap and bed time slots. But I found that trying to use ALL my free time for writing was counter-productive. I ended up getting burnt out on the writing. So I did something totally radical. I started using the evenings to do OTHER THINGS I ENJOY! For instance, reading or genealogy or conversing with real people in my life.

I’ll admit I felt guilty at first, having fun during what had been dedicated writing time. I don’t feel guilty any more. Having that fun time has allowed me to focus better when I have the writing time in the morning, and it has left me more energetic and mentally sharp.

I still use nap time for “business” stuff – queries, social media, and, of course, more writing if I feel like it. I also will use the evenings to write if I want to, but I don’t force it if I’m not feeling creative. Overall, I am quite happy with the new writing setup. Am I a bad mommy that I am already looking forward to all-day kindergarten in 2 years? 🙂

Where have you found your golden writing time?

Thanksgiving 2012

November 22, 2012 By Kerry Gans Leave a Comment

In our culture, it’s easy to not be grateful for what we have. We are constantly bombarded with the newest gadgets, bigger houses, more elaborate lifestyles. And even in our daily life, we wish some things were easier/better, or that we had what someone else has, or that a dream we held dear would come true.

It is so easy to lose sight of what we have.

Thanksgiving is, of course, a good time of year to look at our lives and be thankful for what we have. Coming so close on the heels of Hurricane Sandy, I am immensely thankful for the sturdy roof over our heads, the electricity running through our power lines, and the easy fulfillment of our basic necessities such as food and water and heat. We were so, so much luckier than so many of the people not so far from us.

The other things I am thankful for sound familiar, and that’s because these things should be the most important in our lives. I am thankful for my family. I have a wonderful, loving husband who supports my writing dreams and me in every way. I have a healthy, energetic, intelligent Toddler girl who can drive me up a wall but whom I love with all my heart. I am lucky enough to still have my parents, healthy and active. And my brother, who I fought like crazy with as a child, but who I am so proud to have as an ally in my life now. My extended family—sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, mom-in-law, cousins, aunts and uncles—is warm and generous and I am grateful knowing that if I ever need them they will have my back.

I am thankful for my writing community, who have helped support and forward my dream—including all of my blog readers. My Author Chronicles pals have shared the burden of creating author platform, my Advanced Writing Workshop classmates help keep me laughing and energized, and my beta readers, Nancy Keim Comley, J. Thomas Ross, and Bob Drumm lift my writing to higher levels. Professional mentors (and friends) Jonathan Maberry, Marie Lamba, and Kathryn Craft have help sharpen my writing skills and keep me from giving up on this long journey.

I am thankful for my health and that of those I care about, for the opportunity to pursue my writing dream, and for the 3 mornings a week my Toddler is now in preschool so I can write!

Mostly, I am thankful for the love in my life.

Without love, the rest means nothing.

With love, I already have everything.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

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